“Boyfriend Criteria” by Katie Turner.

Thank God I married my wife before she could find out that I chose Charmander as my starter Pokemon. Who knows what terrible state of lonesomeness I’d be in right now had she discovered that secret.

If he was available at the beginning, though, I’d have picked Meowth instead in a heartbeat. Meowth is the shit.

See also: The financial crisis, as explained to a 14 year old, with a Pokémon analogy

tags / pokemon / boyfriend criteria / katie turner / charizard / ec