I was looking forward to Tokyo Beat Down for real, the way most people look forward to games about guys in space helmets making blood come out of guys in different space helmets. The reason is that I love brawlers. I didn’t think they could make a Final Fight-style game that was too repetitive for me, but I underestimated Tamsoft’s ability to not be very good.

Three details that are knockouts:

1. Whenever you complete a level, the game announces that “YOU BEAT THEM DOWN!” This is true no matter what the objective of the level is. Interview bystanders? “YOU BEAT THEM DOWN!” Find a bomb? “YOU BEAT THEM DOWN!”
2. Lewis Cannon, the character you spend the most time controlling, is a violent, kind of dimwitted asshole who is obsessed with both justice and fighting. In other words, the character’s personality helps explain why just about every situation is resolved by punching a bunch of guys. Also he’s full of weird one-liners.
3. Somehow, despite the story being flimsy, ridiculous, and jokey, I started to care about the Beast Cops. That’s the sign of fantastic writing.

Three details that are beat down:

1. Everybody walks with the same weird loping, hunched-over posture. Tamsoft knows how to keep costs down.
2. The throw is completely invincible. As soon as the animation starts, you are impervious to all damage, including rockets, and you knock down everyone even remotely nearby. I could have just shown some damn restraint and not spammed that move, but it was there and sometimes I got desperate.
3. There are maybe five different varieties of enemy, and they’re only superficially different. They all use the same tactic: stand just out of reach and shoot at you.

Score: One four-hit combo that only connects twice. The gameplay is endlessly repetitive, but the writing is so damn sparklingly good that you’ll endure it through one full playthrough.

Buy: Tokyo Beat Down ($27.99)

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